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13bitterapples' LiveJournal:
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| Monday, March 8th, 2010 | | 12:09 pm |
| | Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 | | 12:18 am |
thats right...
i love him i love him I LOVE HIM. God, I hope its ok this time. | | Tuesday, December 9th, 2008 | | 12:22 am |
You have a way with it man, You always have
I wasnt lost when you found me In fact, I was well on my path Avoiding the ignorance that comes with passion filled wrath. NO. You did not save me. It was all a crash course lesson in plagiarized love. Missed Opportunities 101. If I was to count every moon and every sun... Since you were last real to me 1825 , roughly But who really is counting? So you Sinatra your way in and out A revolving door not apt to pass fire code forcing me to unravel and only then reload Im not as cautious or as forgiving or as sacred as I once was. But you know that dont you. It makes this wacky adventure all the more enticing. Keeping my blood pressure and hope. Rising. So the depth of disappointment will be so very exquisite. And You are no where close to saving me. So with one breath you wow me and the next coat me in ice. Your words...so agonizingly precise. You make me want to be worthy, and yet I already am. Even without the pedestal you have just recently had reupholstered. Holding back every feeling we have fostered. I never asked for this. But I sink in just the same, dont I? And you do too dear, dont lie. We may never touch again. And I find myself found. Captured and bound. And to think, you really want to save me. | | Friday, April 4th, 2008 | | 10:45 pm |
everyday i grow
we are children stuck in a lost world i cant even remember the last time it was real and with bended knuckles, clinching fists we say good bye by avoidance the same ole faces have turned, changed, contorted but their skin is just as smooth maybe we will love each other another time in a different light once the world has found itself again. | | Thursday, August 16th, 2007 | | 9:54 pm |
A Wedding Cake for Sylvia
When mama told me this morning that she died she did it so nonchalantly that I had no other choice than to take it…..so nonchalantly. I think she sandwiched it in between asking me what I wanted for breakfast and hollering at the three angelic hellions she was babysitting. Mama did that in true southern fashion. First find out what the arrangements are, then cook the necessary food for the morning family, then you morn yourself. Scrambled eggs, I wanted scrambled eggs for breakfast. Perhaps it was my subconscious leading me but I found myself looking through old photo albums to pass the day along. That’s what I typically do when I’m at mamas; look through old things in the hopes of mustering up some since of nostalgia. And there she was, Sylvia that is, in almost every page. She was married to my cousin, and though they would eventually get divorced it seemed she was a more active member of the Williams clan then he was. She was the cake maker of the family. Now don’t get my wrong, people simply drool over my mama’s 10 layer chocolate, and we all swoon over Aunt Pats Peanut Butter, but Sylvia made beautiful cakes. Wedding shower cakes, wedding cakes, baby shower cakes, birthday cakes, graduation…you name it and she would make it gorgeous and delicious as well. My favorite would have to be the one she made me for my fifth birthday. It was a cabbage patch cake wearing a purple frosting dress and chocolate batter. What people may not have known is that Sylvia fretted over her confection goodies. Mama would often whisper to me at various functions “I sure hope Sylvia’s cake came out good, she will be simply heart broken if it didn’t”. It always did. Years past as years do and we didn’t see that much of Sylvia (Sylvie-wa, as we use to all her). She was busy taking care of her own family, the Knowles’s and the Williams kept on doing their thing. Now don’t get me wrong, she was at every Easter and the frequent church goers saw her every Sunday. But Sylvie-wa was dealing with the remnants of a bitter divorce and taking care of her sickly Mother, and watching over her new beautiful Grandbaby Bailey-Nicole. Sylvie was so busy that she almost didn’t notice her own failing health. It wasn’t too much after the divorce that she was diagnosed with cancer. They didn’t think that she would make it after the first batch but behold the marvels of modern medicine….she got rid of the cancer. Or so we thought. When it came back she fought it harder then she did before. The chemo forced her to have to quit her job and be bed ridden mostly. That’s when my mother stepped it. The preverbal saint that she is. While Sylvie’s mom and Dad took care of her most of the time her Mom did have to go to dialysis three times a week. It was all her daddy could do to tend to his fiercely diabetic wife and his dieing daughter. My mama sat with Sylvia 3 times a week, offering her care and companionship. I went to see her a couple of times at the end. She looked so frail, not at all the vibrant energetic giggling chatter box that I grew up around. She was taken to the hospital one last time, where she died this morning at 3am. Sylvie-wa left her daughter Kelly, a 27 year old single mom with a successful job in pharmaceuticals, her darling grand-daughter Bailey Nicole, her Mother, Her Father, two sisters Vicki and Barbara, her brother Ronnie and Ken. Ken was my cousin, he had proposed to her shortly before her death. He wanted to be reunited with his soul mate. Sylvia wanted a church wedding and she was going to make the cake herself. It would have been beautiful. Current Mood:  sad | | Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 | | 8:36 pm |
Sometimes I tap my feet to some unfound rhythum Almost as if im the lost profit that will bring it to the earth Catered in like a rich gals reception I wait for days when the rain and the grass hoppers and the blood sucking mosquitos and all things southern poetic will wrap me in its arms again When I could walk and not be scared of what’s in the future When I didn’t faint to fear And I never stopped But time is a solo dime in my tattered pocket Nothing is less then a quarter now And that wont patch my frozen bedding I fantasize more about my funeral then I do my wedding This will not be the last day I breath Nor will tomorrow But sometimes the sadness tempts me to roll over and allow more blows on the parts that can take it Its those days I don’t think ill make it And then something happens Something small and trivial Reminds me of all the gifts that ive received And how many more I must give before all can be said And all can be done Give a little And take none Until the plate is passed your way It wasn’t too long ago that my peripherals were my foresight and my hindsight was pole dancing in a retro bar made for 20 somethings But now it seems that my third eye rests more and I am the callous one I am the callous one An exfoliated soul will wake up tomorrow Smooth and ready for the sun Ready for opportunities to scab again Ready to dance to that unfound rhythm and remember what its like to not look behind its shoulder To not faint to fear | | Friday, July 27th, 2007 | | 10:40 pm |
So i feel compelled. Who knows how long it will last or if I will even post this entry. Im not in perpetually pain. And of course when i say pain i mean emotional. I typically only write when im sad. Life is somewhat more solid now. I live in an awesome apartment now with my friend Anthony and soon to be Christopher Robin. Anthony, of course is one of my best friends who I have already lived with before. Christopher Robin is one of my newest friends. We bonded quickly. Being a Store Manager has its ups and downs. Spencer's is not known for paying all to well so just because I have a higher position (and arguably a lot more responsibilites than a usual retail manager in any other non big box company) does not mean the money is flowing in. I believe I am the youngest in my district (17 other stores) and Im usually in the top three for sales. I show alot of promise and could move up in a couple of years if I put alot of energy into it. Not bad for a 23 yr old twit w/o a college education. What the fuck am I doing? I dont care about sales, a.d.s., l.p., wtd, ytd, qtd....omg I could go on forever in retail jargon! I think ive lost sight of who I am and what i want to do. I mean its nice to have my rent paid and what not but im not making this world a better place. I never write anymore. Im not ok if i dont write. As i said, im not sad. Im getting indifferent. Id rather be sad. Im not made for mediocrity and soon enough I will truly be reminded of how amazing I am how I could be that much more amazing. I just need to go with the flow for now. "Id say about 90 percent of people dont see it". That was Heather, my best friend retorting on a drunken rant of mine about how lonely I am. She had to remind me that im still awesome. I dont even know why i care about the "lonely" factor. I guess it doesnt help any that everyone I know has someone. I mean dont get me wrong I have people who love me. I just dont have anyone that puts me first. Is that terrible that I am curious to know what thats like? When I have a bad day, when im down, I dont have anyone who notices and is willing to do whatever it takes to let me know that I am loved. I have to reach out...which is awesome that I have people who will help me when I ask for it ...i just want to know what its like to not have to ask. Its just a phase. Ill get over it. I dont know who im trying to convince more. I dont know where I was going. This is why i dont post blogs. I think ill will delete my livejournal and myspace soon. namaste | | Wednesday, November 29th, 2006 | | 5:19 pm |
California!
Tomorrow! Yes, some things were just meant to be. :) | | Monday, August 28th, 2006 | | 12:22 pm |
Ok I have a very quick gripe! The term "drama" is thrown around way too fucking easily. There is drama and then there is life. If someone purposely puts thereselves in situations that are tense and later complains about it, they are known as a drama queen. If a person has run into some bad luck and is open about their emotions b/c said bad luck is hurting them, thats called life. Life happens, we are suppose to feel things, both good and bad. And when we do that does not mean we are being dramatic, its means we are being human. That being said i love all of you dearly, you know this. Spring of 07, lets see if i can get out to California ....for real this time. I'll try to save as much as i can. Good things have been happening. I have met some amazing people and this makes me smile everywhere. Love is divine. Current Mood:  pensive | | Wednesday, August 9th, 2006 | | 1:16 am |
Asheville, oh how i love thee
Today was overcast, hot in my non air-conditioned car and an exceptionally long day at work but…it was wonderful. I woke up today bright and happy, may haps a good dream was what prompted that, who knows. But today is what I have lately called to myself an “Asheville day”. It’s a day when even when there is so much wrong, I truly accept the fact that all is right. I have a strange relationship with Asheville, just as wonderful though different from that of Savannah’s. See when I was younger my brother often told me how he envisioned me living there. It was the closest town to Mt. Mitchell where he worked as the park’s naturalist for two years; ergo he had a lot of time to visit its loveliness. He even took me there a couple of times. Even though I had yet to fill into my true self I knew that that town had something for me, and I for it. Whilst in California the “hippies” and “Rastafarians” would often ask me if I was from Asheville, or had I heard/gone to it. In the middle of Los Angeles why would so many people know about a quaint mountain town in North Carolina? When I moved back I knew I had to go, just knew it. Despite elaborate plans I didn’t make it within that first year living at the lakes. We allowed ourselves to be controlled by a lack of funds. (*giggle, good think I don’t let that hold me back anymore or else I would never leave home). Despite no much needed trip to Asheville while at the Lakes (the first apartment I moved into in Raleigh with Heather, Anthony, and Jaz) there was one unforgettable spontaneous trip to the beach late at night with Anthony and Jaz. As we were putting on random clothes from Jaz’s car to defend ourselves from the early spring cold this woman walked by and said “you guys look like home”. I asked her where home was; she smiled and told us Asheville. That was yet another “Asheville” day. On my birthday me and darling Jeska went to Asheville. A wonderful time was had. With all of the memories made (both good and wonderfully bad) my most memorable was when she and I walked into this one shop where we talked to this beloved Yogi. She asked me if I was from there, when I told her that we weren’t her reply was “we will be”. I walked out crying. Jeska was amused at my overly sappy reaction though I know that she understood. The lovely Yogi was not the only one to ask if I was from there that day. I and Heather made a trip out there when my previous boss offered us a free place to crash while he was training for a new job. Not only did we have a wonderful time, but even as we hung out in town during a hangover we both noted that there is no better place to be hung-over in the world. People also asked/assumed I was from there. Then there was my last trip there. Jaz, Stephen, Jeska and I went to Bele Chere. The real fun started after the festival and we danced amongst a drum circle, me and Jeska wondered around town loving people and feeling at home. And even though Asheville gives me so many lessons, gives me so much joy it always humbles me. There is always something that happens to remind me of my imperfections; of my quick mouth, of my unreasonable assumptions. The hardest part is when I come home and I have to spend weeks forgiving myself for my transgressions. Asheville lingers in me. It shows me who I can be or how I must strive to grow. While im there I notice im less of a chatter box. I prefer to listen, soak in what is given. I even like talking to the locals that aren’t as madly in love with it. I envy there ability to be comfortable there. Today, on my way home from work I decided to stop at the health food store close to work. I don’t know why. I don’t have money to spend and I was dead tired to begin with. I was quietly browsing when this guy said “hey, do you ever go to Asheville, or better yet are you from there?” We had a nice conversation and then parted ways. Today i woke up happy, reached a comfortable neutral at work, and tonight I heard news that saddened me because I actually think I can feel my dear friend’s pain and I know there is nothing I can do about it. Im grateful for all things. Today was an Asheville day. | | Friday, June 2nd, 2006 | | 12:29 am |
Is there no comfort in knowing that until now, i was actually pretty happy? Such a pity that i only write when i need a desparate out. My job fucked me. Well it did and didnt. I had applied for an Assistant Manager position in Winston Salem at a prototype store. Now Wisntson Salem is further west, and for whatever reason the further i am west the happier i am. Winston Salem is a more spiritualy aware/artsy town, i instantly feel in love with it. Me and my best friend Heather were going to live together. We have lived together before so i know that we wont hate each other. A prototype store are new stores that Spencersa are buillding. They are bigger, nicer looking, and just better all around. So i had the interview with Human Resources (which i was coached for and warned about...apparently she is hard to please). She loved me. Next step was interviewing with the District Manager. Well he was on sick leave so i would have to wait 6 weeks. Random luck comes up and the Regional steps in. Now most regional managers get an area of about 5 or 6 states but not this one. NOoooo he was the Regional Manager for ALL prototypes. This basically meant that the only 2 ppl above him in the company were the VP and Ceo. So yeah i was a bit nervous to say the least but i still drove the 2 hour trip to Winston for the Interview. A two hour long interview! It went perfect. He loved me, the store manager loved me, and the associates loved me (apparently it pays off to hang out with the associates when you are waiting to be interviewed). Everything seemed right. I was finally getting promoted, to a better store none the less. I was also getting out of Raleigh (which i am so desparate to get out of). All i had to do was wait. When the store manager called my manager (who gave me an awesome reference) she was so excited about me joining, so much so that she wanted me to come up the next week. Everything seemed so right...... But then... I call my boss after my interview and he tells me that he has put in his notice. I was shocked, he has been such a mentour to me. The company didnt follow through on some things that they said they would for him so he was going to Aeropostale, with more pay. I was sad but i was glad that i was leaving the store. Thats when things start to go wrong. My dm decides to play god with my life, makes a few phone calls, and stops me from getting the job. "We were ready to bring you in but They thought it was best to utilize your skills and dedication in your area, that way you didnt have to relocate", said the would be potential store manager in Winston. I WANTED TO RELOCATE!!! Im ready to leave, to start fresh somewhere. I had the job but my district manager wanted me to stay here. It would of been nice for them to ask me how i wanted my life to play out. Gary moved to Fl last week, Heahter is moving to Winston (and being forced to look for a stranger to live with) and Winston is even farther. I rent a room from my cousin and her husband, who are both really awesome and laid back. But im an hour from work. Even with the promotion to AM at my store and the raise i am actually making less. Im cut off from everything. The few ppl i loved in Raleigh have all moved on. I dont even get cell reception at home and none of my friends (for the exception of my bestfriend, who cant really afford it) will go through the trouble of driving this way to see me. Especially since we cant use my place as a drunken pass out party house. Its just so lonely here...im so lonely. Yes it will be awesome to be Assistant manager at my store (as i will be starting next week). It would be awesome b/c our present assitant will be promoted. We started at the same time so i will basically be trained to be a manger with him, which is my goal. Yes its nice to be in a store i am already comfortable in. Yes its nice to live with my awesome cousin and be a bit closer to my moms than i would be in Winston. But my dm is a liar. My boss warned me of that and i want out of his district. I love Spencers for so many reasons than i can list here. I dont want to do anything to ruin my potential career with them but this hurts so bad. When human resources called me today to touch base i let them know that i still want to relocate...and if something comes up to please let me know. After talking to me she wanted to talk to my dm who was visiting the store. I heard him say "i dont know, i mean when i offered the position here she seemed really enthusiastic". Such a liar. I know all of this must seem pety but work is my life, especially now that i dont have one on my own. I just need this to go right.Everyone who needs to know knows that i am solid in the company but Im starting to loose faith. Ive been doing real good. I dont want to get like "this" again. namaste | | Sunday, May 21st, 2006 | | 9:24 pm |
Im an epic tale waiting to happen i am a masterful eye for my generation watching with sly winks in the corner of cafe buildings that only exist when im sleeping and though i feel the carnival of dread creeping children need me to sing so i do as if i was bellowing out tunes in an eager church service with a message that we are not ready for a message so loud and blatant that we turn a blind eye a deaf ear and instead squirm like a program just being rated p g 13 Sidewalks with a blade of grass trying to greet me trip me into next months late bills trip me into ramen noodle meals and a greed sandwhich dipped in spite and its that concrete that takes a chunk of ego lets it seep into the pours and offers it to the earth to be given back to me in the form of... love and when i do get to my destination i find that i am not complete without another one without another excuse to learn and teach to listen and preach that hesitant message that we already know but cease to hear so i search looking for a lost world without inhabitants to start fresh and bring others along but im dumbfounded nothing new is under the sun and the moon requires an appointment what grand dissapointment i have here guess we must make do with what we are given but sometimes i get distracted just trying to make a livin' that i forget.... about my masterful eye about my generation's need for unity and trite chants i forget that sometimes you have to fight and my words lead me to my actions that lead me back to reality the real reality not the one i would like to percieve and real put the one we actually live in with its faults and arrogant demeanour with its last chances and last dances and last laughs and i will and i will and i will make do with what i am given im not worthy of it anyhow im not begging for acceptable im working for better and i will join the rest who will not settle and together our speakeasy eyes will become the third an eye that never blinks to assure us.... that we get the message | | Monday, April 17th, 2006 | | 11:29 pm |
hmmm indeed
So my darling sugar pie honey dumplin apple tarts...I have lost my cell phone. So... i will need everyones number again b/c i have been spoiled by modern technology and therefor do not remember anyones by heart. It would be greatly appreciated if you would reply to tamlufsu@hotmail.com with said information. It has been gone since last night so if you have tried calling me/texting me i am NOT ignoring you! If you are reading this and we are just "myspace/livejournal friends" then of course i do not expect you to hand out your number, unless you want me to drunk dial you and tell you how much i love you and how perfect you are. In which case...do tell do tell. Love and kisses and improper gropes, tam/tambellina/tammy-tacular/tammy | | Tuesday, January 31st, 2006 | | 11:14 pm |
| | Friday, January 27th, 2006 | | 10:35 pm |
Ella is cuddling with me. She is usually a brat (well, except in the mornings when she remembers that she loves me) but regardless i have a lap full of peaceful purring white kitty. Birthday weekend Jan.13-16. Thursday Jan. 12.- drove to mama's. Friday Jan. 13th.- Woke up to help Mama with my birthday breakfast. It was nice...well...as many of you know i have given up dairy products. Ironic thing is on my birthday i couldnt eat any of my birthday breakfast. Mama put milk in the eggs. *giggle* She tries. All of my nosy aunts came. Of course i was critized for my ovo-pescatarianism, the fact that i live with a guy, am a supervisor for Spencer's, and that i do not attend church. Little do they know that Im bi, poly, witch, liberal, and trying to become spiritual conscience. Its so weird. The before mentioned things that are just a small portion of WHAT i am (not who i am) are never an issue until i go home. I have become so quiet when i go home. I like to watch, watch my family, my dog, the stars. I can actually see stars at Mama's. Though they have little interest in getting to know me, they love me and i them. That makes me happy, the fact that i do not fit in at home but i am comfortable with that. They are all so beautiful. And so am I, even when i try so hard to convince myself that im not. Drove back to Raleigh to pick up my check from work, ended up working for a bit (not that i mind at all, i LOVE my job!) Drove to Greensboro to have dinner with my brother. Drove to Newton to crash at Jeska's. Saturday Jan. 14th.- Me and Jeska woke up to go to Asheville. It was snowing as soon as we got there but we didnt care. It was so lovely, like a dream. My experiences in that little trip were amazing. Too much to mention right now. I got my lip pierced. It looks good. Sunday Jan 15th. - Drove back to Raleigh, hung over. Five hours is a long drive when you're hung over. I had to go straight to work b/c we had inventory that night. My manager, who is cool as fuck greeted me with "wow, you're early.....and pierced.....and hungover". Good times lol. So yeah my birthday was awesome. The best ever, with my 20th coming in a close second. Work I love it!!! The clientel, my co-workers, the product....all awesome. My manager keeps on assuring me that i'll be assistant manager as soon as a postion opens, but im really happy with everything right now. Love for the sake of my sanity we will skip this part School for the sake of my sanity...wait, i can talk about this. I didnt go this semester b/c funds wouldnt now allow it and im trying to keep an open availablity at work until we can get some good associates in. I am going back, when it feels right. Money Ok, so i go to the bank today and i am negative 250.00!!! WTF...I was informed that my balance was something that it was not (yeah, something positive) and so i assumed i could spend as usual. So its partially the teller's fault, but more mine and i will take care of it. Its just means no going out for the next two weeks. Friends Wonderful! Me and the roomie get along great, as usual. I miss Heather S. sooo much. I cant help but to feel a bit forgotten from time to time. I hate my neediness sometimes. I miss Jaz too, she lives like an hour away, and i barely see Gary with his hella crazy work schedule. I have bonded alot with my assitant manager. He's good company. The other supervisor, Sami, is awesome as well. Ame and Kim never fail to make me smile. I see Heather W. time to time. I love them all. Im so glad im writting now, when im happy. Its such a shame that i only blog or write poetry when im depressed, especially since i am moving on from that. Gretchy, I WILL be coming for a visit this spring. So be prepared for tamminess. Im dreading my hair this weekend. Random blog is over. Love is divine. | | Monday, January 9th, 2006 | | 11:13 pm |
| | Friday, December 30th, 2005 | | 3:58 am |
Matching china
I dont remember us having matching china I remember mama crying at the kitchen table b/c daddy said she was fat and i remember doing the same years later but definately not matching china. See in order to have matching china you would need your existing china not to break. See in order for china not to break you would need your daddy to stop pounding his fist into the plate the plate full of the dinner mama made accompanied by the salad you help make b/c you wanted to be a big girl and you wanted daddy to be proud of you, and you wanted it to be a nice dinner. You would need them to kindly wait until after you have washed the dishes to start screaming and therefor decrease the chances of frightened-child-like-trembling which would ultimatly lead to you dropping said china on the floor. Leaving behind tempting chards But those things didnt happen. And thus... We never had matching China. ---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------- i love how the holidays make you remember the strangest things. Current Mood:  content | | Monday, November 7th, 2005 | | 12:45 pm |
stolen from Erica who stole it from someone else...
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you. | | Tuesday, November 1st, 2005 | | 3:12 pm |
so its been a year
officially. I moved back on Samhain last year. I thought it would be appropriate. I dont really know if i have progressed or digressed. Im feeling jaded now. love love love | | Tuesday, October 18th, 2005 | | 5:08 pm |
So Im going back to school...
I have decided that it shall be done. As all of those reading this i am not a naturally happy person. That is not to say that i cant be bubbly and that i am always in the midst of some pseudo-goth melodramatic depression. I simply have to work hard to feel "content". Well im not. Im not depressed, im just not happy with the way my life is going. I was suppose to be graduating very soon from college...i havent even started. I miss being challenged and learning new things and being in an atmosphere where education is encouraged. I miss school so much and i can barely think about it without wanting to cry. I HAVE been put down, mistreated, and taken advantage of. I struggle every day to forgive my mother for her harsh words that she said when i was graduating high school. She has more than made up for it but some things take longer to heal. I am no longer going to desprately hope for words of encouragment from her or anyone (though it would be nice). I AM NOT STUPID. I DO DESERVE TO GO TO SCHOOL. I CAN HANDLE THE RESPONSIBILITY. My mother did make a valid point last night when i called her sobbing b/c i felt so overwhelmed with the desire to be educated and actually be able to help/heal people. After going over the various times i have tired to go to school and have been horribly denied she told me "you can do anything you want to do". At first i assumed she was being sarcastic...i can never really tell when she is going to be supportive or hurtful. She stated "i determined that along time ago, you wil do whatever you want. It doesnt matter what me, your daddy, or your brother say....if you want something you get tunnel vision and you take it". She is right. I wasnt suppose to move to California. I wasnt suppose to move to Raleigh. I wasnt suppose to work for the botanica (for all the harm and good and lessons it served me), i wasnt suppose to host the open mic (certain ppl in my life thought it was silly since i wasnt getting paid). I wasnt suppose to do alot of things. I did, and am happy for it. My mother actually seemed supportive. It might have alot to do with the fact that i finally told her that i havent forgave her for the harm that her words caused on me, though i am now ready to move on. I forgive her. I am going to to go school for Nutrtion. My reason is this: i want to study holistic health. When you go to a holistic school they are usually private and very expensive. Not to mention you leave with a "certificate" that may or may not be accrediated. Granted, the education i would receive from a holistic school is more of what im looking for, i digress. Ergo, i have decided to go to a regular University. I will leave there with a b.s. or b.a. (depends on my concentration). With the degree i can go ahead and practice nutrtion, which is mostly what i want to practice in holistic care. I can study independly, take random holistic classes and use it in my practice. I will be certified and able to move around as i wish (Savannah!) b/c i will have a degree that is acceptable everywhere. This is no easy tasks. I have to get transcripts (which i have already requested, save for one). Retrieve old w-2s and other tax forms for both me and my parents. I have to make sure i am able to prove that i am an established resident of NC (that may or may not be so easy). And....i have to fill out fafsa. The same form that a financial aid councelor once said "tammy, im sorry , but the system is screwing you". Direct quote. There is also the matter of getting my father to sign up for various veteran organizations that would entitle me to scholarships and what not. Unfortunately i have to still use my parents financial info (until i turn 24). My father went bankrupt but "consumer debt" is not considered on fafsa. So....they will see that he is retired military and that he has all of this money...but they wont see that its not spendable. So basially i will have to put me, my mom's, and my dad's income together. Whatever! I will do whatever i have to do. Im worth so much more than this cubicle. In other news, im dating a bit but still single (as i am more suited to be). Work is going ok, health is great, i have a kitty named Ella Blue Marker. Friends are wonderful. love is divine |
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